First Main

This is noffink to do wiv the starta, so don't fink they go togevva. It's up to you how you combine mi recipees. Ownli a norvern erbert would fink that a Rochefort soop would go wiv this.`

Chinese poawk sowd, oa ‘Wot you Won’ sweet an’ sour.

Ingredienz

Imperial (British)                                               Metric (Chinese)

One tablespoon of vegetable oil                          1x15ml of vegetable oil

Ten fin slices of garlic                                         10 slices of garlic, cut thin

Two teaspoonz of soya sawse                              2x15ml of light soya sauce

Grated fum of ginja                                              one thumb of ginger, grated

A pinch of chilli powda                                        a pinch of chilli powder

Five shoots of choppt lemon graas                       five fresh shoots of lemon grass 

Milled black peppa foa taste                                 milled black pepper to taste

Free tablespoonz of shugga, braan                       4x15ml of brown sugar

Foa ounzes of rice vinegar                                   100grms of rice vinegar

Six large toms                                                       six large tomatoes

A squirt of tomata puree                                       1x5ml 0f tomato puree

A teaspoon of strong mustard                               1x5ml of English mustard

Two ounzes of butta                                              50grms of butter

Two paand of tenda loin                                        one kilo of tender loin pork

Foa the batta

Arf a pint of milk                                                 300ml of milk

One tablespoon of braan vinegar                         1x15ml of malt vinegar

One teaspoon of soya sawse                                1x5ml of soya sauce

One tablespoon of Tempura flowa                       1x15ml of tempura flour

                                 

When I’ve got mi bird comin’ rawnd foa the night I awlways knocks up mi favorit Chinese. Its made up of two parts, the sawse an’ the crunchy battered poawk bawls.

To make the sawse you needs fresh from Jimmi Chink. He owes mi an’ ‘ees a mate so I insists on the best. First, sweat yoa diced onion in a wok wiv a tablespoon of vegetable oil, 10 fin slices of garlic, 2 teaspoonz of light soya sawse, a grated fum of ginja, a pinch of chilli pawda, 5 shoots of cut lemon graas, an’ some milled black peppa. To create the caramel treecul bung in free tablespoonz of braan shugga an’ then poa in foa ounzes of proppa rice vinega. Peel, de-seed an’ dice six laarge toms an wiv a squirt of tomata puree, a teaspoon of strong mustard add to the mix an’ simma foa fifteen minits.

Meanwhile dice 2 paand of tenda loin, obtained, obviously, from ‘Jonnty the Pig’ an’ seer in anuvva pan: put at one side.

Mix yoa batta wiv arf a pint of milk, a tablespoon of braan vinega, a teaspoon of soya sawse an’a tablespoon of tempura flowa, until its like fick cream. Let it rest foa firty minits. Coat the chunks of poawk in the batta an’ deep fry in anuvva wok.

Taste the sawse an’ add moa shugga oa vinegar as you wants. Finally stir in 2 ounzes of butta to glaze. Nevva put in corn flowa, like most toassas do, becawse it looks sinfetic an’ shitti. Serve the bawls an’ the sawse seperatly wiv proppa rice an’ uvva dips that you can get out of a jar, if you are a lazee bastard.

Birds can’t get enuff of this stuff becawse, if you gives ‘em chop sticks they fink they are eatin’ loads, but they’re not: so when you makes love afterwoods they don’t feel bloated when yoa bangin’ abawt on top. Nah, that’s a right result.