What do you most dislike about your appearance? Becawse I enjoys myself awl of the time wiv booze an’ grub I’ve developed a bit of a kench. Its not like I’ve swallowed a beach bawl oa anyfin’ but the old love cushion is swellin’. In the Middle East it’s a sign of prosperity an’ wealf but in England
What do you never leave home without? I nevva leave ‘ome wivawt an extra pair of underpants. You nevva no when you are goina get lucky wiv the ladies cawse its smart to be able to change arfta a ‘ectic session. You got double insurance aswell, if the night befoa you ‘ad a dodgy Ruby there’s awlways the orfchaance that you may follow froo if you ‘appins to sneeze oa fart oa somefink.
Last Purchase. Durin’ a recent visit to Gods country I was walkin’ daan the King’s Road when I spots this gorgeous Victor an’ Rolf gold jacket, so I ‘ad to ‘ave it. It’s got a look of ‘stage ware’ but I can carry it off. Mind you I wouldn’t go daan to the Dog an’ Trumpit wearin’ it.
Oldest item in the wardrobe. I have kept my favrit ‘Cacharel’ shirt from the seventies, it’s a bit fredbare but it ‘as become a symbol of my success. It was the first very expensive bit of smutta that I could afford. I bought it arfta I did mi first ceilin’ job foa Frank Lampard senior. He gave mi too grand foa two days work becawse I’d done such a wonderful job an’ ‘ee fort that I was the best mate anybody could ‘ave. Consequence is, Frank ‘as given me seasonal box seats, worf abawt too an’a arf grand, foa daan at the ‘Bridge’ evri year. I doesn’t go though becawse I’m Spurs froo an’froo. “Come on you Lillywhites!”
Pets. I awlways consider mi ‘posse’ of Tie chicks as mi pets. They’re a cross between mi family an’ cuddly toys. They enjoy a bit of stroking, wear ‘ardly any cloves an’ could live offava birdseed.
