Vege soup

I cannot emphasise enuff to use fresh vege. I normally digs mine straight outta mi gardin so its proppa fresh. That is why this soop, incidentally, is cawled, ‘arf the gardin’ soop. 

‘Arf gardin soop.

Ingredienz.

Imperial (English)                                              Metric (Foreign)

One large onion                                                     one large onion

2 tablespoonz of oil                                               2x15ml oil

Crushed black peppa cawns                                  crushed black pepper corns

A pinch of sawlt                                                    a pinch of sawlt

One diced carrot, celri stick, potata                      one diced carrot, celery and a potato

Foa Italian plum toms                                            four Italian plum tomatoes

Eight ounzes of broad oa flagelot beens                200grms of braod or flagelot beans

One large sliced in rings leek                                one large leek, sliced

Two pintz of chickin stock                                    1200ml of chicken stock

One swiss Chard oa cabbige                                  one Swiss Chard or Spring green

 

Its very simpul to make, but it’s delicious, especially foa winta nights wiv the bird. 

In a sawsepan sweat a laarge choppt onion in two tablespoonz of oil, crushed black peppa an’ a pinch of sawlt. Add diced carrot, celery, smoall potata, de-seeded and foa Italian plum skinned tomatas, eight ounzes of broad oa flagelot beans an’ a leek. Poa in two pintz of ‘omemade chickin stock an’ simma foa fifteen minits.

Chickin stock. Use the carcass of some old bird as yoa basic stock. Bung it in a pan wiv one onion, one carrot, two teaspoonz of parsley, bouquet garni, two cloves an’ a fresh bay leef. Add free pintz of wautta an’ simma until it’s reduced to two pintz. Strain off an’ stoa in the fridge.

To finish the soop chop an’ add one laarge cabbige oa Swiss chard if you can get it. I gets my chard from my mate Philippe in Geneva who sends it ova. Normally he bungs in a few Rolex which I unloads daan the Strand to mi mate ‘Dodgy Don’.

As soon as the cabbige as softened up get yourself a large bowl an’ poa yoa soop in it. Crumble some crusty bread in it an’ enjoy. Afterwards, grab yoa birds silicones an’ giv ‘er a good talkin’ to between the legs. Lovely.

Breads from awl ova the world

 

Bread

Ingredienz

Imperial (Ingurland)                                             Metric (Frog)

One ounz of fresh yeast                                           25grms of fresh yeast

One ounz of French honey                                      25mls of French mile

One pint of tepid wautta                                          550mls of tepid water

One paand of strong flowa                                      550grms of strong flour

One paand of semolina flowa                                  550grms of semolina flour

Louis Fernaud is the best bread maker in the whole of Fraaance. One day ‘ee took mi to one side an ‘ whispered that ‘ee wanted to giv mi ‘is secrit bread recipe that ‘is grandfavva ‘ad given ‘im firty years befoa,. To offa it up to someone who really cares abawt bread; an’ believe mi I lives foa bread. ‘Ee took one look at my ‘ands an’ said, that next to ‘im, mine were the best that ‘ee’d evva seen an’ foa that reason alone, I deserved to know ‘is secrit. I am prepared to pass on most of it so that you also can make good bread, but, I am keepin’ the reel secrit to myself becawse Louis awlways said that if I dared to reveal it to anyone ‘ee would cut my bawls off an’ give ‘em to ‘is Wessex Saddlebacks.

  

Dissolve one ounz of fresh yeast an’ one ounz of French honey in arf a pint of tepid wautta. On a warm flat surface make a well in one paand of strong flowa an’ one paand of semolina flowa. Next, poa in yoa yeast mix gradually mixin’ wiv yoa fingas until awl the yeast mixture has been taken by the flowa. Poa in annuvva arf pint of tepid wautta until a moist dough is produced. Knead the dough usin’ the Chinese cows ‘ead method foa abawt five minits. As you roll the dough to an’fro on the downstroke a cows ‘ead is formed. The chinese used this method when reconstitutin’ clay but European bread makers nicked it becawse its improves the gluten in the mix.

Roll the dough into a bawl, score it wiv a knife an’ let it relax an’ prove in a laarge tin until it’s doubled in size. This should take abawt forty five minits if it’s placed in a warm draft free place. Empti the tin awt an’ knead an’ pummel foa a minit until the air ‘as been knocked awt. Return it back to the tin to prove foa a second time. When it ‘as doubled in size foa the second time place the bread very gentli an’ carefully into the pre‘eated oven foa twenty to twenty five minits. Tap the bottom of the of the loaf to check if it’s baked. If it sounds ‘ollow it’s done.

Bread is the most basic of man’s food an’ should be available foa evri one includin’ norverners.