Desserts, sweets, puddin's

 

Desserts, Sweets, Puddin’ an’ bread.

Jam Roly Poly

Ingredienz.

Imperial (English)                                                Metric (foreign)

Foa ounzes of self raisin’ flowa                             100grms of self raising flour

Two ounzes of Bob’s shredded beef suet               50grmsof shredded beef suet

Two to free tablespoonz of wautta                          2 or 3 15ml spoons of water

Foa the jam

One paand of strawbs                                             500grms of strawberries

‘arf a pint of wautta                                                250mls of water

One stick of cinnamon                                            1 stick of cinnamon

The zest an’ juice of yoa ‘ome grown lemon          the zest and juice from a lemon

One tablespoon of Cassis                                        1x15ml spoon of Cassis

Two to free tablespoonz of braan shugga               1or 2x15ml spoons of Demerara

Foa the custard

Two eggs from yoa own farm                                 2 free range eggs

One ounz of caasta shugga                                      25grms of caster sugar

Arf a pint of milk                                                     250mls of milk

One vanilla pod                                                        1 vanilla pod

This is the dog’s when it comes to a warming winta pud. It’s a piece of piss to make but it can take a lotta time becawse of the steamin’. I awlways usis proppa suet from

Bob an’ mi own ‘omemade jam. This dish is best served wiv ‘ot oa cold custard, again ‘omemade.

Siv foa ounzes of self raisin’ flowa an’ a pinch of sawlt into a mixin’ bowl, add two ounzes of Bob’s shredded beef suet. Stir in two to free tablespoonz of ‘ot water an’ mix into a dough. Lift from the bowl an ‘knead on a flowered boad until awl the ingredienz is smoove. Roll awt  an ‘oblong abawt a quawta of an inch fick.

‘omemade jam.

It aint rocket science to make yoa own jam so don’t freek like a tart. Onli use seasonal fruits, often bruised  an’ soft ones can produce top resultz. Slowli an’ gentli reduce daan the selected fruit (strawbs foa examlpul) wiv foa table spoonz of liquor. This you shouldda prepared earlier an’ consists of arf a pint of wautta, a cinnamon stick, zest an’ juice of a lemon, from yoa own tree, a tablespoon of cassis an’ two laarge tablespoonz of Demerara shugga.  As the consistency of the mixture becomes fick add moa shugga. Whilst the jam is still ‘ot poa into a kilner jar an’ allow to cool. It’s that easy, even a norvern bird could make it. 

  

Proppa custard.

Beat up two eggs wiv one ounze of caasta shugga. Ova a ‘Ban Marie’ carefully an’ slowly add arf a pint of warm milk that ‘as been previously infused wiv a vanilla pod, stirrin’ awl the time until the shugga ‘as dissolved. When creamy an’ smoove covva wiv cling film an’ place in the fridge until you needs to serve. You can ‘ave it ‘ot oa cold.

Returning to the recipe, you can now spread foa ounzes of ‘omemade jam ova the dough an’ roll up sealin’ the edges wiv a wittle wautta. Wrap loosely in greaseproof or buttered tin foil placin’ on the top of a steama filled wiv boiling’ wautta. The puddin’ needs cook foa one an’ a arf hours, but keep checkin’ that pan doesn’t boil dry oa else you’ll be in the shit.

Just befoa you serves the puddin’ gentli ‘eat the remainin’ foa spoonz of jam an’ poa ova, lettin’ it drip awl daan the side suggestively. This puddin’ will definitely get yoa birds silicones awt slappin’ an’ bappin’ in yoa boat race. 

Curry

Curry sauce, basic, but as you no I does nofink basic.

Ingredienz

Imperial (Colonial)                                              Metric (Indian)

Free tablespoonz of vege oil                                  3x15ml 0f vegetable oil

One large onion, choppt                                         one large onion

One stick of celri                                                    one stick of celery

A fum of ginja                                                        a thumb size piece of ginger

Foa wittle cloves of garlic                                      four small cloves of garlic 

A pinch of sawlt, chilli powda an’ black peppa     salt, chilli powder and pepper

Two teaspoonz of turmeric                                    2x15ml of turmeric

Two teraspoonz of cumin                                      2x 15ml of cumin

Two teaspoonz of fenugreek                                 2x15ml of fenugreek

A lump of nutmeg, grownd                                   a dash of ground nutmeg

Foa choppt bonnet chillis                                      four red bonnet chillies

Arf a pint of wautta                                               300ml of water

Ten ounzes of cookt daal                                      300grms of cooked daal       

It’s important to get anyfink fresh that you can gets yoa ‘ands on foa the sawse: that’s why I always nips ova to mi mate in Tieland oa India foa the best stuff. I normally makes up enough sawse so that I can freeze some in batches foa layta. So, that means from the basic sawse you can make it mylda oa ‘otter if you wants.

In a big pan add free tablespoonz of vegetable oil. Chop one laarge onion, some celery, one fum of ginja, foa wittle cloves of garlic an’ gentle sweat in the pan. Mix in pinches of sawlt an’ chilli powda; grind in some peppa.

Now you gotta roast an’ mix your spices. All of these measurements can be two teaspoonz: turmeric seeds, cumin seeds, fenugreek an’ nutmeg. Dependant on ‘ow ‘ot you wants it you can add choppt red chillies. Because mi an’ mi bird likes it really ‘ot  I uses them bonnet fings. Add all of these to yoa uvva ingredientz wiv arf a pint of wautta. Simma foa fifteen minits and then blend the lot. To make yoa sawse fick poa in ten ounzes of cooked daal. 

That’s your basic sawse. If yoa bird don’t like it ‘ot then poa in some yogurt oa coconut milk. This is good foa yoa chickin oa fish. To make it ‘otter foa mental people add moa chillis. An’ then shag yoa bird on the rug in front of the fire.