I 'ave nevva 'eard as much as much nonsense spoken when I 'ave 'ad the misfortune of being employed by those faceless coporit gits oo run the 'city'. They sit raand behind their big fack off mahogany tables spoutin' on abawt fack awl, but tryin' to saand important when awl I wants to do is explain one of mi outstandin' recipees such as 'Makin' a cheese ommelit'
Becawse these executif types caan't cook I treets them like norvern 'erberts by keepin' it simpul.
Take too eggs out of the bax, then break in a cup an' add sawlt an' peppa. Beat them until slightly froffy. Heat a smaal amaant of butta an' vege oil in a hot pan then add the beaten egg. Turn daan the 'eat befoa addin' the grated 'mature chedda cheese'. When meltid, fold one half ova the uvva. Lift out of the pan an' serve wiv a light salad. piece of piss.
Meanwhile whilst I am explainin' to awl of these chinless wonders the beauty of even simpul foods they are bangin' on abawt: adoptin' “Blue sky thinking”, “Pushing the fackin' envelope”, “Taking the fruit from the lower branches of the tree”, “Leaving a minute carbon footprint”. Claimin' that “It is difficult to fly like an eagle when you are working with turkeys”, “granulisation”, “Takin' a helicopter view”: but don't forget to not use the term “brainstorming” anymore as it may offend people with a disability, the present PC terminology is “thought showering or thought cascading”. Definitely, “One must attempt to square the circle”, "Bring somfink too the table". Most importantly, there is no ‘I’ in team.
I've nevva heard as much shite in my life when I am forced to perform at these corporate 'dos. When they have finished I hit's 'em wiv mi own 'omegrown philosophi. Look arseholes I say.... when in Rome do as the Romans do, when in Turkey, gobble”, an' don't forget “It all depends which side of the oxo cube you are looking at”. But mi coup de grace is "Don't let the same dog bite you twice!" Wiv that I leaves them open mouthed as I leave wiv 5 tax free laarge in mi pocket. Cushty.
Becawse these executif types caan't cook I treets them like norvern 'erberts by keepin' it simpul.
Take too eggs out of the bax, then break in a cup an' add sawlt an' peppa. Beat them until slightly froffy. Heat a smaal amaant of butta an' vege oil in a hot pan then add the beaten egg. Turn daan the 'eat befoa addin' the grated 'mature chedda cheese'. When meltid, fold one half ova the uvva. Lift out of the pan an' serve wiv a light salad. piece of piss.
Meanwhile whilst I am explainin' to awl of these chinless wonders the beauty of even simpul foods they are bangin' on abawt: adoptin' “Blue sky thinking”, “Pushing the fackin' envelope”, “Taking the fruit from the lower branches of the tree”, “Leaving a minute carbon footprint”. Claimin' that “It is difficult to fly like an eagle when you are working with turkeys”, “granulisation”, “Takin' a helicopter view”: but don't forget to not use the term “brainstorming” anymore as it may offend people with a disability, the present PC terminology is “thought showering or thought cascading”. Definitely, “One must attempt to square the circle”, "Bring somfink too the table". Most importantly, there is no ‘I’ in team.
I've nevva heard as much shite in my life when I am forced to perform at these corporate 'dos. When they have finished I hit's 'em wiv mi own 'omegrown philosophi. Look arseholes I say.... when in Rome do as the Romans do, when in Turkey, gobble”, an' don't forget “It all depends which side of the oxo cube you are looking at”. But mi coup de grace is "Don't let the same dog bite you twice!" Wiv that I leaves them open mouthed as I leave wiv 5 tax free laarge in mi pocket. Cushty.
