Pat Butcha

Favourit piece of furniture. That’s easy; it’s got be mi noo HD ready 52 inch awl raand saand flat screen. 

Best gift received. Without doubt it’s ‘elf, wealf, ‘appiness, good fawtune, an’ a Venetian glaas chandelier that mi first wife gave mi. It’s ‘and blown and was probably made in the firties.

Favourit item of clothing. There’s noffink better than slippin on a smart whistle. Paul Smiff, Christian Dioa, Gabbanna, Givenchy an’ that Japanese fruit who lives in Dublin, I got ‘em awl. But, mi favrit garment is a pair of old ‘Levis’ that I just hangs offava mi ‘ips, revealin a temptin’ inch of crack: that sends the girls wild.

Favourit films. Evri film that Michael was in, plus, King Kong, Olivier’s Richard the fird, The Dirty Dozen, The Bridge ova the River Kwai (cawse, one of mi Tie birds lives near there an’ it reminds mi of jungles, wautta an’ big leaves), the Rocky an’ Rambo series (but not that American ‘Get Carter’ becawse that was shite), Mrs Robinson, that film where that bloke says “Go on punk do you fink your lucky” an’ laastly Godfarva too. I don’t like noffink arfta 1990.   

If you were to die and come back as another person who would it be. I would want to be a cross between Michael, Ossie Ardilles an’ Pat Butcha.

Not just Mexico

 

Tortillas.

The daily bread of Nicaragua, Guatemala an’Mexico it is lightly milled, pattid by ‘and an’ cookt on a griddle oa a ‘comal’, an erfinware tawa.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

One paand of  maize kernels                          500grms of maize kernels

Too pintz of wautta                                        1ltr of water

Too teespoonz of quicklime                           10ml of quicklime

Soak the maize ova night in the wautta. Bring to the boil an’ cook foa one ‘our. The skins will turn bright yellow an’ loosen. Rub off the skins, rinse thoroughly, puree the resultant mush, ‘nixtamal’, in a ‘metale oa blenda until it forms a dense mass. Knead until a soft dough is formed, smoove an’ flexible. Divide into sixteen walnut sized bawls.

Flatten the dough bawls lightly an’ covva wiv clingfilm to keep them soft whilst you are workin’ on the pancakes. Pat an’ roll each bawl into a thin pancake about five inchis in diameter. Dampen the ‘ands in warm wautta an’ pat the dough alternatively ‘and to ‘and to thin out the tortilla. Pre-‘eat a griddle oa fryin’ pan an’ wipe wiv a cloff dippt in lard. Cook the tortilla one minit each side until the edges begin to curl. Save in a warm teetowel until awl of them are done.

To soften by re-‘eatin’ in an oven, wrap in tin foil, about six at a time, foa twenty minits. Anuvva meffod is to simpli re-‘eat on a griddle placin’ one on top of the uvva  until they are toasted on bowff sides. Serve wiv mashed avocado, affectionately cawled Aztec butta.