Pat Butcha

Favourit piece of furniture. That’s easy; it’s got be mi noo HD ready 52 inch awl raand saand flat screen. 

Best gift received. Without doubt it’s ‘elf, wealf, ‘appiness, good fawtune, an’ a Venetian glaas chandelier that mi first wife gave mi. It’s ‘and blown and was probably made in the firties.

Favourit item of clothing. There’s noffink better than slippin on a smart whistle. Paul Smiff, Christian Dioa, Gabbanna, Givenchy an’ that Japanese fruit who lives in Dublin, I got ‘em awl. But, mi favrit garment is a pair of old ‘Levis’ that I just hangs offava mi ‘ips, revealin a temptin’ inch of crack: that sends the girls wild.

Favourit films. Evri film that Michael was in, plus, King Kong, Olivier’s Richard the fird, The Dirty Dozen, The Bridge ova the River Kwai (cawse, one of mi Tie birds lives near there an’ it reminds mi of jungles, wautta an’ big leaves), the Rocky an’ Rambo series (but not that American ‘Get Carter’ becawse that was shite), Mrs Robinson, that film where that bloke says “Go on punk do you fink your lucky” an’ laastly Godfarva too. I don’t like noffink arfta 1990.   

If you were to die and come back as another person who would it be. I would want to be a cross between Michael, Ossie Ardilles an’ Pat Butcha.