Synopsis

I 'ope that you are injoyin' awl mi recipees, don't forget to tell awl of yoa friends, if you've got any that is. Rememba there is a dictionary foa fick norverners postid on the tenf of august (10.08.11) which will explain proppa language so you can understand my philosiphi an' uvva stuff. Tell awl of yoa friends to become 'members' oa followers. The recipees will be postid like startas, main, desserts oa any uvva way that I feels like so you can dip in an' awt.

I am addin' a few extra in the next day oa so becawse I go back to fraance tomorra foa moa research. It's difficult to post ova there becawse the frogs aint exactly up to speed wiv technology: awl they fink abawt is wine, cheese, bread, eatin an' shaggin'.

Bass wiv Vanilla (Madagascar)

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Too paand fillits of sea bass                           900grms of filleted fresh sea bass

Too ounzes of butta                                        50grms of butter

One tablespoon of green peppacawns            15grms of fresh green peppercorns

Free fluid ounzes of mandarin eau-de-vie      75ml of Cointreau, orange liquor

Nine fluid ounzes fish stock                           250mls of fish stock

Seven fluid ounzes of double creem               200ml of double cream

One vanilla pod split lenfways                       1 vanilla pod split lengthways

Arf a lime an’ parsley                                     1lime cut into wedges, chopped parsley

Mi bird ‘Mota’ likes to give mi this one aswell becawse she claims it lenfens the act of lovemakin’. I think its a load of bollox, cawse its just as easy to pop a viagra if the old boy lets you daan. Anyway, these vanilla sawses ‘ave been araand foa a wittle while in the UK, particularly in fashionable Chelsea, but ‘Mota’ claims that they ‘ave been as common as muck in Madagascar foa centuries. If possible awlways use fresh vanilla an’ peppacawns but the dried varieties are acceptable. Becawse of my vaast kitchen I awlso stock ‘mandarin eau-de vie’ but ‘cointreau’ can be substituted especially if you live in the norf.

De-scale, clean an’ fillit the fish, season well wiv sawlt. Melt the arf of the butta in good strong pan, add the fillits flesh daan foa one minit until slightly coloured, turn the fish an’ cook foa a furvva minit. Then, add the peppacawns cook foa a minit to bring out their flavva. Poa in the eau- de-vie an’ flambé. Remove the fish an keep warm.

Add the fish stock to the pan an’ reduce until a syrup ‘as formed. The seeds can be scraped from the vanilla pod stirred into the mix along wiv the creem. Cook foa about one minit finally whiskin’ the remainin’ cubes of butta. Poa the sawse ovva the fish an’ garnish wiv lime wedges an choppt flat leafed parsley.

Any dense fish can be used in this dish such as trout, sea bream oa even dovva sole. The sawse does seem very sweet an’ rich but it really is a winna, believe me.

Bisque

Crayfish Bisque (Saaf African)

This mate of mine who often visits South Africa liberated this recipe from one of his student’s daan there. He goes there pretendin’ to be a doctor supportin’ a clinic fundid by the worlds ‘elf ofority. He raises loads of money foa Liverpool uni wiv exchange students an’ awlso tells the saaf Africans how to spend awl the aid money proppa instead of pissin’ it away like Saint fackin’ Boner an’ that uvva Irish tossa did in the eighties. They don’t ‘ave much education daan there but they do ‘ave the biggist crayfish goin. This recipe is normally foa eight people becawse it usually is eatan at party times.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Nine fluid ounzes vegetable oil                      250ml vegetable oil

Six an’ a arf paand live crayfish choppt         3kg of live crayfish, chopped

Too ounz of butta                                            50gms of butter

Foa carrots diced                                              4 carrots diced

Too sticks of celri choppt                                2 sticks of celery chopped    

Free onions choppt                                          3 onions chopped

Too leeks choppt                                             2 leeks chopped

One bulb of garlic choppt an’ crushed            1 bulb of garlic chopped and crushed

Nine fluid ounzes of brandy                            250ml of brandy

One bokkle of white wine                                1 bottle of white wine

Ten ounzes of tomata puree                             275grms of tomato puree

Fifteen ripe toms arved                                    15 ripe tomatoes cut in half

Too bay leaves                                                 2 bay leaves

Foa sprigs of fresh thyme                                4 sprigs of fresh thyme

Seven pintz of fish oa chickin stock                4lts of fish or chicken stock

A wittle mashed spud to ficken                       A little mashed potato to thicken

Sawlt an’ freshly graand peppa                       salt and freshly milled pepper

Select a very laarge pan an’ ‘eat the oil until it is smokin’. Add the choppt crayfish an’ cook strongly until they become a bright red colour. Turn daan the ‘eat an’ add the butta, carrots, celri, onions, leeks an’ garlic to sweat foa a couple of minits. Poa ovva the brandy an’ flame.

Add the white wine an’ reduce by about a arf. Squirt in the tomata puree to cook until the sawse fickens. Lastly put in the arved toms, fresh ‘erbs an’ the ‘omemade stock. Covva an’ gentli simma foa an ‘our. If necessary add the mashed spud to ficken a bit moa. Push the mix froo a fine sieve, check the seasoning an’ serve wiv some crusty cobs.

Favrit fings besides cookin' an' shaggin'.

 

                                              Nick’s favrit fings

Childhood Ambition Like awl kids kickin’ a bawl araand the streets the dream of bein’ a professional footbawler was on the top of evribodies list. Mi mates wanted to play foa the ‘ammers but I was determined to play foa Spurs. I grew up wiv the likes of Alan Gilsean, Jimmy Greaves, Johnny ‘aynes an’ Dave Mckay, they were my heros. I was spoottid one time by a scout from Spurs whilst I was playin foa mi local pub team but I had to turn ‘em daan on account of ‘avin’ to look arfta mi dear old mum who was quite ill by that time. He said that I could be better than Moore if I worked hard. “Bloody ‘ell, as good as the great Bobby” I said, “no” he chuckled “Roger”. The baastard. But, I nevva fort in a million years that I would become a world renowned chef, the envy of the many pretenders, respected frooout the trade, imitated by the best an’ still modest wiv it. So, I suppose the disappointment of not becoming a top flight footbawler earning proppa money an’ shaggin’ awl the claasy birds is somefink that I don’t miss. Becawse, I got awl that aswell, an’make even moa money an’ shag moa girls, by workin’ in a kitchen