Prawn Pie

 

Anuvva feem on this fish pie comes from Goa, which was once a Portuguese colony, an’ it is cawled ‘Apa de Camarao’

Prawn Pie.

Ingredienz foa the fillin’

Imperial (British)                                                   Metric (Portuguese)

One paand of fresh prawns                                      550gms of fresh prawns

Too tablespoonz of oil                                             30ml of vegetable oil

Free laarge onions                                                    3 large onions

Free tablespoonz of mixed spice                              45ml of mixed spice

Too tablespoonz of shugga                                       30ml of sugar

Quawtta of a pint of coconut milk                           100ml of coconut milk

The spice mix

Too ounzes of dried red chillies                               50grms of dried red chillies

One tablespoon of cummin seeds                             15grms of cumin seeds

Twenty five peppacawns                                          25 peppercorns

Twelve cloves                                                           12 cloves

Too inches of  cinnamon                                           5cms of cinnamon

Ten flakes of garlic                                                   10 slices of finely cut garlic

Too inches of ginja                                                    2 thumbs of ginger

Qwawtta of a teespoon turmeric powda                    2mls of turmeric powder

A pinch of sawlt an’ shugga                                      A pinch of salt and sugar

Clean an’ cut the prawns and apply a wittle sawlt. Heat the oil an’ gentli braan the onions. Stir fry foa foa minits, add the crushed spice paste, shugga an’ sawlt to taste. Finally add the coconut milk an’ cook until dry.

Foa the batta (Goan foa rice an’ coconut mix)

Arf a paand of rice, soaked overnight                       200gms of rice soaked overnight

Six tablespoonz of grated coconut                             90grms of grated coconut

Too egg yolks, beaten                                                2egg yolks, beaten

Free tablespoonz of shugga                                       45grms of sugar

A pinch of sawlt                                                         A pinch of salt

Anuvva pinch of shugga                                             5grms of sugar

One tablespoon of warm wautta                                 15ml of warm water

One and a arf teespoonz of fresh yeast                       8ml of fresh yeast.

Grind the rice an’ coconut togevva usin’ one oa too tablespoonz of warm wautta. Take a laarge bowl an’ add the rice mixture to the egg yolks wiv the shugga an’ a pinch of sawlt. Dissolve a wittle moa shugga in warm wautta. Sprinkul on the yeast and leave foa ten minits. Combine the rice mixture wiv the fermentin’ yeast, covva an’ leave in warm place foa foa to five ‘ours.

Poa arf of the rice mixture into the bottom of a laarge greased dish an’ then spread the prawn fillin’ ova.  Top off wiv the remain’ rice. Bake in a preheated oven on gas mark foa foa firty minits until golden braan. Enjoy wiv a bokkle of ‘Kingfisher’ an’ serve eva warm oa cold.

Favrit fings, Gibson Jimi Page Les Paul

Most Treasured Possession. In 2001 I went to visit mi bruvva in Chilie. He promised to show us awl the ancient sites such as the Diaguitas Peublo Del Norte Verde, the Nayarit Colima Jalisco of the Toltec expansion, the Tamaco Tolita of Puerto Hormiga origins and the Jamacaque Bahia Guangala Capuli Piatal Tunchahuan culminating into the Chavin influence, but also we were to travel to the north to the land of  San Pedro de Atacama to witness the eerily unique sunrise ovva the geysers at El Tatio, an’ in the foothills of the Andes the circling, enormous, menacin’ condors an’ the painfully timid grazin’ Guanacos, Vicunas, Llamas an’ Alpacos. Wot a load of old bollox. But, luckily whilst on sneaky trip to the local town of La Serena I spotted a crumbly old music shop sellin’ mainly crap guitars but foa some strange reason they had two Gibsons in the window. On closer inspection I noticed that they had got the prices in the wrong order. The Les Paul Standard bein’ priced at 850 whilst the Les Paul Special was 1100. I couldn’t resist an even closer look at this stage so I went into the shop an’ requested to play ‘em both. Fackin’ ‘ell I fort, this Standard is not just any old Standard but a Jimmi Page Custom shop model worf abawt £3000 at ‘ome. Betta still when I did the deal wiv the dumb shop owna I chipped him daan a bit becawse it hadn’t got a case. Annuvva tasty part was that mi bruvva bought it froo ‘is company so I didn’t pay the Chilean VAT. I managed to smuggle it back to the UK via Paris an’ the entire deal cost mi 650 quid, sweet oa wot. I’ve nevva played the guitar becawse I’m frightened to scratch it, but it is still one my most treasured possessions.    

Eastern Fodda

 

Goan Bread.

This recipe is best used foa rolls rarvva van foa a laarge loaf, cawse it’s a bit greasy an’ awlways best dipped in somink.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                                    Metric

Arf a paand of flowa                                                 200grms of flour

A pinch of sawlt                                                        A pinch of salt

Too ounzes of butta oa marge                                   50grms of butter

Foa tablespoonz of warm milk                                  60mls of warm milk

Free tablespoonz of warm wautta                              45mls of warm water

One an’ arf tablespoons of shugga                             40grms of sugar

One tablespoon of fresh yeast                                    15grms of fresh yeast

Arf a tablespoon of dried yeast                                   7gms of dried yeast

One egg, beaten, one yolk foa glazin’                        1 beaten egg, 1 yolk for glazing 

Sieve the flowa an’sawlt in a wide bowl adding the butta until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Dissolve the sugar into the warm milk an’ wautta an’ then add the yeast. Place in a warm place foa about foateen minits allowin’ the yeast to ferment. Make a well in the flowa, poa in the yeast along wiv the beaten egg an’ knead into a dough.

Leave the dough in a warm place to rise foa firty minits. Knead again until smoove an’ divide into fifteen equal pieces. Shape the pieces into a bawl an’ place on a greaed baking tray. Covva the tray wiv a cloff an’ return it to the warm place foa twenty minits. Preheat the oven to gas mk. five, brush the tops wiv the egg yolk an’ bake foa fifteen to twenty minits. Finally when they is done place ‘em on a rack to cool.

Suppa

 

Ravioli di Spinaci e Ricotta

Ingredienz

Use the recipe foa ‘omemade pasta ‘pasta ascuita’ on the previous page but keep it ‘as one large sheet that you will need to cut in arf.

Imperial                                                         Metric

Eight ounzes of spinach leaves                       250grms of fresh spinach leaves

Foa ounzes of fresh ricotta cheese                  125grms of fresh ricotta cheese

One ounz of fresh parmesan cheese                25grms of fresh Grano Padano

Sawlt an’ milled black peppa                          salt and freshly milled black pepper

Gratid nutmeg                                                 grated nutmeg

One free range egg, beaten                              1 free range egg, beaten

Serve wiv

Too ounzes of butta                                         50grms of butter

Free to foa fresh sage leaves                            3 to 4 fresh sage leaves

Gratid parmesan cheese                                   grated parmigiano cheese

To make the fillin’, first wash the leaves an’ chop any stalks from the spinach. Place in a sawsepan an’ gentli cook foa five minits without any wautta. Drain by pressin’ daan wiv a plate to squeeze out any excess moisture an’ chop very finely. Put the ricotta an’ parmesan cheese in a bowl an’ mix in the choppt spinach. Add the beaten egg, seasoning an’ nutmeg makin’ a paste.

Roll out the pasta sheet as fin as possible on a flowered, cold board an’ cut into too equal pieces. Arrange the ricotta an’ spinach fillin’ at regular spacin’s awl ovva the sheet at 2 inch intervals; usin’ a teaspoon size foa each portion. Covva wiv the uvva sheet pressin’ araand each maand wiv yoa fingas. Usin’ a pastry cutta wheel, cut the pasta into squares. Cook the ravioli gentli foa foa to five minits. Drain an’ serve wiv meltid butta, sprinkuled wiv sage an’ parmesan cheese.

The ideal wine foa this meal is Barco Reale from vino da Tavola di Tosacano. A rarvva light fruity number that I gets direct from mi mate Valantino in Turin. It’s the dogs.

Synopsis

I 'ope that you are injoyin' awl mi recipees, don't forget to tell awl of yoa friends, if you've got any that is. Rememba there is a dictionary foa fick norverners postid on the tenf of august (10.08.11) which will explain proppa language so you can understand my philosiphi an' uvva stuff. Tell awl of yoa friends to become 'members' oa followers. The recipees will be postid like startas, main, desserts oa any uvva way that I feels like so you can dip in an' awt.

I am addin' a few extra in the next day oa so becawse I go back to fraance tomorra foa moa research. It's difficult to post ova there becawse the frogs aint exactly up to speed wiv technology: awl they fink abawt is wine, cheese, bread, eatin an' shaggin'.

Bass wiv Vanilla (Madagascar)

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Too paand fillits of sea bass                           900grms of filleted fresh sea bass

Too ounzes of butta                                        50grms of butter

One tablespoon of green peppacawns            15grms of fresh green peppercorns

Free fluid ounzes of mandarin eau-de-vie      75ml of Cointreau, orange liquor

Nine fluid ounzes fish stock                           250mls of fish stock

Seven fluid ounzes of double creem               200ml of double cream

One vanilla pod split lenfways                       1 vanilla pod split lengthways

Arf a lime an’ parsley                                     1lime cut into wedges, chopped parsley

Mi bird ‘Mota’ likes to give mi this one aswell becawse she claims it lenfens the act of lovemakin’. I think its a load of bollox, cawse its just as easy to pop a viagra if the old boy lets you daan. Anyway, these vanilla sawses ‘ave been araand foa a wittle while in the UK, particularly in fashionable Chelsea, but ‘Mota’ claims that they ‘ave been as common as muck in Madagascar foa centuries. If possible awlways use fresh vanilla an’ peppacawns but the dried varieties are acceptable. Becawse of my vaast kitchen I awlso stock ‘mandarin eau-de vie’ but ‘cointreau’ can be substituted especially if you live in the norf.

De-scale, clean an’ fillit the fish, season well wiv sawlt. Melt the arf of the butta in good strong pan, add the fillits flesh daan foa one minit until slightly coloured, turn the fish an’ cook foa a furvva minit. Then, add the peppacawns cook foa a minit to bring out their flavva. Poa in the eau- de-vie an’ flambé. Remove the fish an keep warm.

Add the fish stock to the pan an’ reduce until a syrup ‘as formed. The seeds can be scraped from the vanilla pod stirred into the mix along wiv the creem. Cook foa about one minit finally whiskin’ the remainin’ cubes of butta. Poa the sawse ovva the fish an’ garnish wiv lime wedges an choppt flat leafed parsley.

Any dense fish can be used in this dish such as trout, sea bream oa even dovva sole. The sawse does seem very sweet an’ rich but it really is a winna, believe me.

Bisque

Crayfish Bisque (Saaf African)

This mate of mine who often visits South Africa liberated this recipe from one of his student’s daan there. He goes there pretendin’ to be a doctor supportin’ a clinic fundid by the worlds ‘elf ofority. He raises loads of money foa Liverpool uni wiv exchange students an’ awlso tells the saaf Africans how to spend awl the aid money proppa instead of pissin’ it away like Saint fackin’ Boner an’ that uvva Irish tossa did in the eighties. They don’t ‘ave much education daan there but they do ‘ave the biggist crayfish goin. This recipe is normally foa eight people becawse it usually is eatan at party times.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Nine fluid ounzes vegetable oil                      250ml vegetable oil

Six an’ a arf paand live crayfish choppt         3kg of live crayfish, chopped

Too ounz of butta                                            50gms of butter

Foa carrots diced                                              4 carrots diced

Too sticks of celri choppt                                2 sticks of celery chopped    

Free onions choppt                                          3 onions chopped

Too leeks choppt                                             2 leeks chopped

One bulb of garlic choppt an’ crushed            1 bulb of garlic chopped and crushed

Nine fluid ounzes of brandy                            250ml of brandy

One bokkle of white wine                                1 bottle of white wine

Ten ounzes of tomata puree                             275grms of tomato puree

Fifteen ripe toms arved                                    15 ripe tomatoes cut in half

Too bay leaves                                                 2 bay leaves

Foa sprigs of fresh thyme                                4 sprigs of fresh thyme

Seven pintz of fish oa chickin stock                4lts of fish or chicken stock

A wittle mashed spud to ficken                       A little mashed potato to thicken

Sawlt an’ freshly graand peppa                       salt and freshly milled pepper

Select a very laarge pan an’ ‘eat the oil until it is smokin’. Add the choppt crayfish an’ cook strongly until they become a bright red colour. Turn daan the ‘eat an’ add the butta, carrots, celri, onions, leeks an’ garlic to sweat foa a couple of minits. Poa ovva the brandy an’ flame.

Add the white wine an’ reduce by about a arf. Squirt in the tomata puree to cook until the sawse fickens. Lastly put in the arved toms, fresh ‘erbs an’ the ‘omemade stock. Covva an’ gentli simma foa an ‘our. If necessary add the mashed spud to ficken a bit moa. Push the mix froo a fine sieve, check the seasoning an’ serve wiv some crusty cobs.

Favrit fings besides cookin' an' shaggin'.

 

                                              Nick’s favrit fings

Childhood Ambition Like awl kids kickin’ a bawl araand the streets the dream of bein’ a professional footbawler was on the top of evribodies list. Mi mates wanted to play foa the ‘ammers but I was determined to play foa Spurs. I grew up wiv the likes of Alan Gilsean, Jimmy Greaves, Johnny ‘aynes an’ Dave Mckay, they were my heros. I was spoottid one time by a scout from Spurs whilst I was playin foa mi local pub team but I had to turn ‘em daan on account of ‘avin’ to look arfta mi dear old mum who was quite ill by that time. He said that I could be better than Moore if I worked hard. “Bloody ‘ell, as good as the great Bobby” I said, “no” he chuckled “Roger”. The baastard. But, I nevva fort in a million years that I would become a world renowned chef, the envy of the many pretenders, respected frooout the trade, imitated by the best an’ still modest wiv it. So, I suppose the disappointment of not becoming a top flight footbawler earning proppa money an’ shaggin’ awl the claasy birds is somefink that I don’t miss. Becawse, I got awl that aswell, an’make even moa money an’ shag moa girls, by workin’ in a kitchen