Only the best roast dinna

 

The best ever Sanday dinna

Ingredienz

Imperial (Proppa English)                                        Metric (This is bollox)

Free an’ a arf oa foa paand of best rolled sirloin         2 kilos of rolled sirloin or rib

One tablespoon of oil                                                  1x15ml spoon of oil

Carrots, turnips, Spring green, leeks, gardin pees      An assortment of seasonal vege

Free paand of Maris Piepa spudz                                1 kilo of Maris Piper potatoes

Foa the Yorkshire batta

Foa ounzes of flowa                                                      100grms of flour

Pinch of sawlt                                                                a pinch of salt

One beaten free range fresh egg                                    a beaten fresh free range egg

Two quawta pintz of milk                                             200mls of milk

Beef fat                                                                          a quantity of beef fat

Foa the gravy

Two tablespoonz of flowa                                             2x15mls flour

One an’arf pintz of spud wautta                                    800mls of potato water

Sawlt an’ peppa if needed                                             Season only when appropriate

There is noffink betta than a roast beef sanday dinna. I goes awl ova the world an’ take it from me the British sanday lunch is unbloodybeetable. You can stick yoa paella, spit roast goat, pizzas, carbonfackinara, fackin’chilli con fackin’ carni an’ duck a la fackin’orange up yoa arse, you can’t beat a top piece of British beef.

My beef comes from Butcher Bob, king of the Kings road, ‘ees a right gent. Arfter the beast ‘as been murdered it is hung foa firty days to tenderise an’ enhaance the flayva. The best cut foa the roast is ‘rib’ oa a ‘rolled sirloin’. The piece must be at least free and a arf oa foa paands in weight.

Seel the joint in an oiled an’ seasoned skillet and then place in the top of a pre’eated 190 degree oven, wivawt the fan. Nah then, this is the simpul secrit of cooking it just right. It’s an easy calculation; you wants five minits a paand plus fifteen minits foa the entire cooking period. Switch off the oven leaving the beef to stand until the oven cools daan. You can let the beef rest foa two ‘ours. The owtside will be lovely an crisp whilst inside the meat will be pink an’ tenda. If you wants yoa beef ‘well done’ oa, ‘tros cuit’ as the frogs say, you shouldn’t be eatin’ it becawse you are a tossa an’ might as well be eatin’ levva.  Important. Don’t forget to Poa off most of the beef fat an’ save arf foa the roawstas an’ arf foa the ‘Yorkshires.’

The proppa accompaniments foa the beef can be anyfink seasonal. Carrots an’ turnips mashed wiv butta, fresh spring greens, choppt sprinkled wiv virgin olive oil an’ crackt black peppa, parcelled roasted leeks wiv a sprig of thyme, minted gardin baby pees an’ lightly scrubbed noo jersee royals. If you want me to tell you ‘ow to cook any of those you might as well go to fackin’ Mc Donalds oa arsk Jamie fackin’ Oliva.

  

Proppa roawstid spuds

But, there is one vege that I shall show you how to cook properly, and that is roawstid spudz. Peel abawt free paands of Maris Piepa oa those yella fings you can get in Fraance. Cut them in arf an’ par boil’em wiv a pinch of sawlt. Poa off the wautta into a jug then rattle the spuds araand in the pan wiv the lid on. In a large roastin’ tin poa in some of the fat from the beef an’ get it very ‘ot on the stove. Bung in your spuds an’ coat ‘em all ova wiv the fat. They should be fluffy an’ sizzlin’ in the tin. Put them in a 180 degree oven until braan. Finally, rinse owt the pan wiv the spud wautta to get the remainin’ bits an’ save as stock foa yoa gravy.

The Yorkshire batta

At the same time as makin the spuds it’s smart to ‘ave the uvva arf of the beef fat gettin’ nice an ‘ot in the oven foa the ‘Yorkshires’. My mates muvva who lives in Barnsley gave mi this recipee foa the puddings which ‘as been ‘anded daan from generation to generation. She’s a lovely old bird called Olive Flowa, an’ that’s not a made up name. Siv foa ounzes of flowa an’ a pinch of sawlt into a bowl an’ make a well at the bottom. Drop in a beaten egg an’ quawta of a pint of milk. Draw in the flowa an’ beat until fick. Gradually, add anuvva quawta pint of milk until a creamy mixture ‘as fawmed. Poa the batta into the smokin’ ‘ot oil, place in the oven foa firty minits foa individuals an’ forty foa one big ‘un. In Yorkshire it is traditionally served befoa the main course wiv rabbit gravy. They do that becawse it fills them up an’ they don’t need as much meat, the tight barstards.

Makin’ the gravy, not sawse!

Whilst all this is goin’ on the gravy can be made. Lift awt the beef from the roastin’ tin an’ warm the juices on the stove. Add abawt two tablespoonz of flowa an’ make a ‘Roo’. Continue to stir the mix foa two minits until the flowa is cooked. Slowly add the warm spud wautta stirring regularly to avoid any lumps, to make the ultimit perfect gravy. It is permissible to add some seasoning but no ‘braanin’ should be necessary as the juices from the beef should well tasty. If you resort to ‘Bisto’ you want yoa bollox cutting off.

Time the meal to how and when you want to eat. Remember that the vege cooks at different rates an’ that the ‘Yorkshires’ an’ roawstas are cooked togevva an’ should be served at the same time.

Becawse you ‘ave probably been slurpin’ the ‘Chambertin’, whilst in the kitchen ‘an gettin’ pissed, it’s advisable to get yoa bird to carve the beef so that you don’t cut yoa bloody ‘and off. “I onli told you to blow the bloody doors off”. That’s Michael Caine in the Italian Job; oh, by the way, ‘ees a mate of mine.

That’s the best dinna that you will ever’ ave, ‘an I fink that deserves a twos up: so get yoa bird to get ‘er slag mate raand foa some communal ‘ole.