I gotta mate, part one

 

Buoyed with the pleasures of the day we gathered at the Bowling Green to rejoice over a well earned pint but we were soon out shone by Cockney Nick who was about to deliver, his now famous, “I gotta a mate” speech, justly reminiscent of Martin Loofa Kings “I have a dream”.

                              

  

       “I gotta a mate”

“Yeah I gotta a mate for everifin’. When I goes to work in Landan we stays in mi mates ‘otel. Opposite ‘im theres the best Chinese restraunt in the world wiv the best Indian next to it. I know bowf of the owners, they’re mates o’ mine. Daan the road is the pub. The landlady loves mi; she cooks mi san-day dinna everi week, roast beef, potatas, spring greens, carrots, pees, gravee, an’ everifin: she’s a goa en-all. Wot I does is see mi mate Arffa daan at Billingsgate an’ I gets all, and I mean all, the best prime scotch, top jerzees an sparagrass from fraance: takes em up t’ Caff, the landlady, an’ she serves em up for mi an’ mi mates, in front of a log fire, lov-lee, an’ den I shags ‘ur, by way of sayin’ fanks. That’s wot mates is foa. 

When I gets mi noo merc I insures it foa £150 against tyre damage. When it’s nearly done I damiges the walls an’ gets em all changed. Normly they cost £287 but I gotta a mate at APS in Staandish oo’s willin’ to take a nifty fifty an’ right em off. I gets noo tyres an’ ee gets a bullseye; sweet eh? It’s like when I get mi car vallitid. I takes it to mi mate in Clayton street oo does it for firty an’ it comes back like braand noo. I ain’t nevva met im but ee’s a mate. Mind you, ee’s not as good as mi mate in Cobham who charges 300 quid. But, ee’s dooin all the footballers an’ all the rock stars of Landan an’ sometimes ‘ee charges ‘em as much as a bag o’sand. He’s makin’ a fortune but ee’s still a mate. Nevvamind, I know you just got a mowtta for 75 pawnds wiv istry an’ everifin but the last one I got was a one ownna, five fousand mile 325 BMW convertible, alloy 17 inch wheels, electric pack, levva, the lot, top o’ the range, it belonged to the missus of a mate a mine. I gave ‘ur a pair of Levis for it. Yeah, that’s right; I bloody nicked it foa a pair a Levis. She even giv mi a box to put it in. Naa, that wot I calls a result.