Eddie arrives in South Burgundy

Fast Eddie has decided to bail out of Les Bouches de Rhone and head norf wiv Ollie to the verdant agricutural landscape of South Burgundy. He has dipped out wiv Candy: it never really got off the ground, but has cemented relationships wiv Russia.
His trusty C15 has trundled norf at a constant 50mph towing behind him most of the frustratid french drivers who could not pass. During his journey he counted in excess of 50 waving french fists cursing the painfully slow English, 'petanque le merd and trou de cul' often heard as they streaked past.Nevertheless he arrived, all be it, two days late, carting 24 out of date lemon yogurts, some wilted celery and a huge sack of free onions. He planned to work at mi noo place foa a few days an' then head up to Nuits St Georges, hopefully graftin' on Candy's best mates vineyard. Her name is Roxanne; don't these Americans have the crapest names, in fact they inventid crap names back in the 50's wiv Rock, Burt, Charlton, Bing, Perry, Tyrone an' fackin' Clint.
Befoa his departure we had work to do locally: sort out mi vege patch, buy 12 chickins, one pig, too sheep an' borrow a cat from village stockpile to keep daan the rodents. Shelves needed puttin' up, a favrit foa Eddie, he just loves screewin' (couldn't resist), bangin' walls daan, stuffin rag wool in cavities, pumpin' out the well..etc..etc..In the evenin' I took him daan to mi favrit place. The bar on the campsite at Messeungne; cheap wine, good company an' boules. This is a proppa place, used by local farmers, city visitors from Le Creusot and Montceau les Mines, the place is awlways jumpin'. I have loads of tales about it which will have to wait foa annuva time: especially the one about Babette; now that's a proppa name, not a crap American name.
This is not a dish common to Burgundy but I knicked it from mi mate Gerard who's got a top restaurant in Chalon sur Soane cawled the 'Cathedrale' on Place St Vincent.

Caramelised duck breast with honey, lime and ginga sawse.
This is a really excellent twist on a traditional duck dish. The breast should be scored then cooked slowly, skin daan in a regular fryin pan foa 10 minits: pour off the fat an' turn foa a furtha 3 minits, remove from the pan. In a separate sawsepan add lemon zest and an 280 grams of shugga to arf a pint of simmerin' water. Meanwhile in the fryin pan, deglaze wiv arf a pint of good white wine (I use mi neighbours 'Champs de Perdris' chardoonay which is the dog's), then add the zest an' juice from one lime an' too tablespoonz of wild honey. When reduced sufficiently add the shugga syrup an' a good fum of gratid ginga. Befoa the sawse is poured ova the duck, peel an' skin annuva lime an' cut into segments an' drop in: make sure the pith an skin is removed, which can be a bawl ache so give that task to the missis becawse their smaall fingas are betta at those types of jobs.
Slice the duck breast then pour on the sticky, rich sawse. A simple accompaniment could be linguini oa noodles. Afterwards you could treat the missis wiv a few conjuguls.

Farewell Tarascon Soop

Eddie had been so helpful ova the paast few monffs. He had packed an' re-packed the trailer wiv awl the stuff that was bein stored in the Blanchesserie an' the necessary gear that was required in the norf. His relationship wiv Candy had gone well sour; her takin' moa than givin'. The onli positive to come out of it was a connection in Nuits St Georges, another American lady who had recently inherited a vineyard from her recently diseased French husband, who could offer Eddie some work clearing gardins, cuttin' hedgerows alongwiv other 'handyman' tasks.He decided that would search out this 'lady' when he was'up that way' wiv a bit of luck she won't turn out to be feckless flake like her friend in Vallebregues. But in the meantime, the final passing ova of the house had to be completed.
The people that bought the property had buggered up their own transit schedule: an to cut a long story short, they finished up movin' in 3 days befoa the final 'contrat de vente'. They stayed upstairs in the apartment durin' this period; Eddie an' I remained downstairs to finish off the minor details. She was from Russia an' he was from Fraance, an odd eclectic mix. She claimed to an 'out of work' architect who moonlighted as a pole dancer in the evenin's, he was a gardiner foa the local Duke at Chateau Montrachez, Les Baux de Provence.Her mother, pure 100% Russian, took to wanderin' around the house, smilin' unannounced, clutchin' a stiff vodka, speakin', a cross between French an' English. she looked like she needed a good time, Eddie smelt a challenge. So much so, that on the second evenin' he disappeared foa a couple of hours cementin' 'Gasnost'. It takes awl sorts.
To celebrate this union I fink that we shall have a delicacy made famous from the Russian front.

Eastern Front Soop.
Find a rotten cabbage, free black spuds, too soft onions; chop oa tear them up an' place in a dirty pan wiv a tablespoon of horse fat. Add too pints of stagnant water an' stir. Bring to the boil; leave the room foa 10 minits becawse the stench is unbearable. Give the soop to someone you have a problem wiv.

Candy of Vallebregues

After the sale of the 'unwanted' at the Sunday market I was virtually ready to transport myself and the 'precious' norf to saaf Burgundy. Eddie remained in the old house to mop up the remainin' sales of  the surplus furniture. Much of this would find it's way to the American lady, 'Candy of Vallebregues' who was desperate to supplement the sparse villa that she was rentin' as well as feebly negotiating her recent divorce from her 'selfish' French husband. She had been married for 12 years to a Burgundian wine buyer. Living in Dijon as the business grew she had become increasingly pissed off wiv the role of 'stay at home' housewife: so much so, as his life prospered, her's shrank.
Eddie, gratefully unloaded beds, tables, chairs and cupboards, at a very concessionary price; fixed up shelves, built and painted walls, awlso makin' sure that doors fitted properly. His meals count doubled, he spent less time in Tarascon more  in Vallebregues. Awl to no avail. Candy disappeared in the evening on a regular basis whilst Eddie babysat her two difficult children. She would return in the early hours wiv the simple explanation that she had been 'comforting an old friend': someone should write a song about that. For the first time, Eddie had misjudged a situation, misread the signals, he had been well and truly tuttled.
He had laboured on for the few weeks that I had been away, but I quickly realised that I had returned to a confused, dispirited Eddie. He needed cheering up.

Poires vapour aux Cidre.
This is traditionally a heavenly dessert dish from Normandy: they produce wonderfully sweet pears and their 'cider' is world famous, particularly the marque 'Escuisson'. Anyway, peel the pears, any sweet variety, leaving in the stawks. In a pan gentli simma arf a bottle of cider, arf a pint of water, 2 cloves, a stick of cinnamon, drop in the pears until they is tenda. Heat the oven to 180, cut the pears in arf an' place face daan on a bakin' tray. Sprinkle wiv braan shugga an' toast. They can be served wiv any sort of creme, light to fick, ice cream oa creme anglais, proppa custard oa even choclit sawse.
Eddie's humour had returned so much so that he felt that Candy should be immediately dipped in the 'celebrity shit bucket' along wiv 'Saint fackin' Bono', Sir Bob an' tree huggin' Sting. I agreed.

Lula departs: Vallebregues Chickin Potage.

Lula had onli been in Tarascon for one day befoa she had to return to Horadada. Eddie took her to the railway station, made his farewells with the promise of keeping in touch: typically this did not happen; like many of Eddie's relationships they are founded upon sand., repetitively self inflicted disintegration.
At the time of his visit I was, coincidentally, selling up in the saaf, havin' had enuff of the incescent summer heat, the permanent filth in the town, the constant rotting dilapidation of the buildings, the noisy disfunctional neighbours but, more importantly, I had won a contract to write foa a noo magazine in the Dordogne, a very pretty English place. So, I was faced wiv gettin' shut of of loads of shite that I had accumulated ova the seven years that I had spent daan here.
Eddie and I decided to stand a local 'Vide Grenier' at Vallebregues to unload most of this unwanted gear. Expertly, the trailer was filled wiv everifin that you would find, but not buy, at 'poundstretchers UK'. Having laid out our pitch we were swamped by serial 'flea market' shoppers. The stuff was so cheap we had awlmost sold up by midday. Stuffin' 120 euros in mi pocket I was ready to leave when this handsome young woman strolled by to ask in perfect french "how much is the bicycle?" Eddie commenced wiv the barterin', but as soon as he began to launch his pitch she realised that he was not french but actually hailed from Garswood, Wigan: she then confessed to bein' American, livin' an' workin' in the village. Eddie sold and delivered the bike cheeply; wiv the prospect of further sales in the very near future.

Vallebregues Chickin' Potage avec Tarragon.
This is a fabulous dish usin' cheap cuts of chicken such as thighs an' wings: the cuts that have bones foa extra flavour an' fat! Gentli fry off 100grams of bacon lardons fume creatin' some gawgeous oily fat. Dice the onion, garlic, green haricots, fresh peas, carrot, celery, sweet corn, potato an' torn lettuce (yes, lettuce) then add to the pan. Season, after addin' one pint of good vege stock, simma. Skin daan seal the chickin portions, in a separate pan, until goldin' braan: combine the two pans. Finely cut free spring onions an' a laarge bunch of tarragon to dress the dish. Serve wiv crusty bread an' love. Believe mi this is a cast iron leg opener.

My other blog

If you are interested in a unique restoration of a very special vehicle; the characters that made it possible, the successes and disasters of a 5 year project, then visit my other blog at www.nigeljosephparr.blogspot.com

Farewell Horadada,Ratatouille

After an eventful three weeks Eddie was ready to move on. This time he had a travelling companion. Lula had decided to accompany him on his return journey through Spain, avoiding many of the coastal routes, crossing the frontier at La Jonquera, then due east some 270 kilometres to Tarascon, Bouches de Rhone, befoa beginning his eventual slow trek north. By now, both were very comfortable wiv the relationship, no pressure, relaxed at ease wiv this undemanding, loose arrangement. En route Eddie re-visited the happier places that he had already past through, introducing Lula to his successes yet avoiding the troubled episodes. Even Eddie is smart enuff not to repeat mistakes.
Two weeks later he was knocking on the door of mi Summer residence in Provence. I was busy trying to make sense of mi most recent research regarding the melange of cuisine typical of the Midi region of Fraance. Eddie offered his twist on how this unique blend of plump peppas, succulent juicy fruits, vivid marbled pulses, virgin olive oil, exotic aromatic spices, sweet, dense white fish, abundant shellfish, lean, flavourful Luberon hills lamb; in fact some of the freshest produce in Europe, had created many of the renound dishes of the entire World. His rationale was purely historical. "Every country that bordered the Med wanted a piece; so after endless invasions by the Romans, Turks, Moors, Berbers, Gitanne and Spanish it's no wonder they were left with assorted bits of food culture: because in reality these people never left, they just changed their religion every time the next wave came along". I remarked that this was a naive, simplistic understanding; absolute bollocks, but deep daan I suspectid there was an element of truth.

Midi Ratatouille
This dish exemplifies everfin Midi. First, chop into strips, one green, red, orange and yellow peppas.   Finely chop one green chilli, two sweet red peppas, a full head of garlic, one large spanish onion, 6 plump, skinned, roman tomatoes. 
In a laarge frying pan, add two tablespoonz of olive oil an' gentli sweat the onions, peppas an' garlic wiv a pinch of sawlt an' black peppa. Having earlier prepared an aubergine by slicing, sprinklin' wiv sawlt, at least one hour befoa, pat the slices to remove most of the sawlt to remove the bitterness of the vegetable befoa addin' to the pan. Chop an' add the toms wiv an additional cup of passatta. The stock, must be prepared earlier, using one pint of a good vege based stock, supplemented wiv Worcestershire sawse, Dijon mustard, plus a little cayenne an' one cup of red wine. Simma an' reduce until evrifink is soft. To serve, scatta a big bunch of torn fresh basil; finally sprinkle a generous chunk of gratid Parmigano.
The colours, aroma an' textures are to die foa. This dish is perfect foa a noisy group lunch oa a romantic dinna foa two peeple who have travelled from afar.  

Horadada part deux

 

The 'clams' were just the start of Eddies relationship wiv Lula. Originally from mainland Spain Lula's family had moved to Biarittz during the persecutions of Franco. She had only returned to Torres de la Horadada during the sixties. The old family house was still intact but needed extensive modernisation; so much so she struck a deal wiv a local property developer who flattened the site, built three blocks of 3 story flats giving Lula 'block one' as payment for the plot. Lula awlways needed running repairs on the three apartments; Spanish builders being notorious for stuff not lastin' longer than free months. Shelves, cupboards, doors were continually fallin' off. This is where Eddie excelled. Exchangin' evenin' meals foa 'handyman' work.Needless to say one thing led to annuva an' befoa you noo it Eddie was welcomed to the bed. That's how 3 days became 3 weeks.Eddie was feedin' from 2 troughs.

Temperatures in this part of the world often dictate meal times, particularly in the evening. Usually food is taken well after 10pm; often light by way of nibbles, hors d'oefs, oa tapas. So I shall offer some of these tasty bites as an alternative to proper food.

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Tomato Bread. Lightly toast slices of a large baguette. Mix olive oil, crushed garlic, passatta oa puree an' then spread thinly on the bread.
Albondigas. Spicy meatbawlls. Add a variety of spicy herbs to minced beef an' gentli fry.
Patatas Bravas. These are simply made by roastin' spuds in a chilli tomato paste; then liberally sprinkled wiv black peppa. 
Chipirones. Smaall squid often lightly battered then deep fried. 
Chigalas. There are many variations on this dish. King prawns can be prepared in many different ways. Either steamed oa gentli pan fried in garlic butta, chilli tomato, a la piri piri, with mayo, soya, chutneys an' a variety of dips.
Chorizo. There are a multitude of spicy sausage but often finely sliced an' mixed wiv a dense white fish fillits, such as Bacalao, Merluza, Besuga oa Mero they are very complimentary.
Legumbres. A variety of vegetables are awlways offered. Bite size portions of Coliflor, Esparragos, Chompinones, Pimientos, Judias Verdes, a mixture of cebollos, sliced, pickled oa sweetened wiv shugga.
Alfajores. Foa dessert you can't beat these honey an' almond pastries; they are beautiful, perfect foa the end of a lovely evenin'.


Eddie didn't return to his rig that night.