A language explained

 It is probably better at this point to offer an easier route into the complexities of proppa language that onli exists in the saaf of Englund. The primitiv norf 'ave a lotta catchin up when it comes daan to the Queens own.

                          The Collins Dictionary of the Norf an’ Saaf 

 

        Saaf                                                                                               Norf

A     

     ‘andful                                                                                     handful, cupful

      an’                                                                                                    and

      annuvva                                                                        an alternative, another

     ‘appy                                                                      a person who is pissed, happy

     ‘arf                                                                                                    half

     ‘arfta                                                                                                later

     ‘arved                                                                              to make two of something

      awlways                                                                                       repetitive, always

      awlso                                                                                        incuding, as well

      awt                                                                                       external, exposed, out

      abawt                                                                        approximately, an estimation    

B    

      batta                               to strike someone excessively, a coating for fish, batter

      bawn                                                                                        birth, hatched, born

      bawls                                                                       balls, football, cricket or pork

      becawse                                                                something necessary or actually

      befoa                                                                  preceding, premature, in front of

      biggist                                                                                   the largest one

      blenda                                                                          a machine that purees food

      blendid                                                              to have mixed different materials

      boad                                           to be fed up, a flat piece of timber to roll pastry 

      bowff                                                                                together, more than one

      bollox                                                      to make a mess of something, scrota (n)

      bokkle                                            a glass vessel usually containing wine or beer

      bovva                                                                        trouble, an argument, bother  

      braan                   normally used to describe food that is cooked golden, brown

      broff                                                                                              a hearty soup                                              

      bruvva                                                                   a close family relative, brother

  

C

     cant                                                                                                        c**t

     cawns                                     hard skin usually on the foot, or the seed of maize

     cawse                                                                  an abbreviated term for because

     cawled                                                                                 call, or some ones name

     chillt                                                              normally served cold from the fridge

     clevva                                                                           extremely intelligent, canny

     cloff                                                                                             material or linen

     cylinda                                                                             a long narrow tube shape

D

      daan                                                                                                      below,down         

      dog’s                               exceptional, the ultimate, definitive, premier, the best

      deftli                                                                        to be skilful with one’s hands

      densa                                        to become thick in consistency or not too bright

      dishis                                                                                  crockery, ceramic pots

E

    ‘ead                                    a sexual act usually given by a bird, a toilet on a boat

    ‘eavier                                                                something that is difficult to lift

    ‘elasticatid                                                                   to have stretch or flexibility

    ‘elfi                                                                in excellent condition, prime, healthy            

    ‘elpin’                                                                                   a portion or a measure

     endawsements                                                             people who offer assistance

     enuff                                                                                       sufficient, ample

    ‘erberts                                                              people from the north of England

    ‘erf                                                                                                the world

    ‘erffiness                                                            earthy of flavour, warm hearted

    ‘erfinware                                                       vessels usually made from fired clay

    ‘evrifin’                                                                                              all

F

      faand                                                                                      to discover, found                                                                                   

      fawk                                                                               a item of cutlery or to mix

      fick                                                                a retard, a simpleton, a slow person  

      ficken                                                                              to enrich, make denser

      fin                                                                       someone with an eating disorder                 

      finna                                                                                           thinly cut, good

      fing                                                                                                   an object

      fingas                                                        normal people have four on each hand

      fird                                                                                number three in the series

      firty                                                                                          the number thirty

      flavva                                                                  a product that has a strong taste

      free                                                                                          the number three

      frill                                                                           exciting, pleasurable, orgasm

      foa                                                                                       the number four or for

      foafree                                                                       something for nothing, a gift

      forrowly                                                 energetically, consistently, continuously

      foateen                                                                                    the number fourteen

      freezza                                             a household machine to preserve foodstuffs

      froff                                                                               the creamy top to a ‘latte’

      froo                                                                                                        through                               

      fum                                                                              the fifth digit on one’s hand

      furvva                                                                                            a long way away

G

      gardin                                            usually found at the rear of some ones house

      gentli                                                                               carefully, tenderly, softly

      geeza                                                       a gentleman from the south of England

      glaas                  windows are made from this substance, a vessel to drink from

      goinna                                                                imminent, immediately, going to

      goldin                                                    a precious metal, or as in golden brown

      gotta                                                             a task that must be completed, got to 

H

      hoption                                                                               a choice, a decision              

I

J

K

L

     larf                                  to enjoy oneself, usually at the other person’s expense                        

     lawd turd                        a delusional person who thinks that they are wealthy

     lenff                                                                         describing the size of an object

     lenffen                                                                    to enhance the size of an object

     lenffways                                                                               along the longest edge

M

     Markit                                                                        a place to buy fresh produce

     matta                                                                                         substance, subject

     meffod                                                     the steps to take to successfully achieve

     mentul                                                                              slightly insane, eccentric

     minit                                                                                  one sixtieth of one hour

     monf                                        normally a period of thirty days, twelve in a year

     muppet                                                                       a person of little intelligence

N

      nevva                                                        impossible, not going to happen, never                

      noffink                                                        to not have anything at all, penniless

      noo                                                                    fresh, straight out of the box, new

      norvern                                                               existing in the north of England

O

      oa                                                                                                an alternative, or

      offa                                                                                          to obtain something

      offova                                                              to obtain something from someone

     ‘ollow                                                                                         empty or vacuous

     ‘omemade                                         something that has been prepared in house

      owdinary                                                                               not unusual, simple    

      orf                                                an alternative to off usually spoken by royalty

      outta                                                                          on the exterior, coming from

      ova                                                                              turned over, being deceived

      ovanight                                                             leave until the following morning

      ovaweight                          a fat bastard, most common in the north of England

P

      piece of piss                     something that is regarded as being easy to complete

      plentee                                                                    sufficient, have a great deal of

      poa                                                                                         to pour often a liquid

      polyfeen                                                                  a transparent plastic material

      pre-cookt                                                                              prepared before hand

      pre-eatid                                                      often used when referring to an oven

      proppa                                                             correct, right, clean, exact, proper      

Q

      queea                         queer, brown hatter, bender, shirt, puff, shit stabber, etc

R

      raand                                                           a circular object, or to visit someone  

      rarvva                                                                                          other than

      remainin’                                                                                    the last few

      rosie                                                                     a refreshing breakfast beverage           

      ruff(li)                                                            uncouth, torn edges, approximately

S

      sawse                                                                               a cheeky person, gravy      

      simpul                                                                             fascile, easy or mental

      shaggin’                                                                           the art of love making

      shit’ole                                                                         a dirty often grimy place

      shugga                                a term of endearment for a young girl, a sweetener

      silicones                                                                                female breasts

      simma                                                                                    to cook slowly

      spoonz                                         a form of cutlery usually for soup or puddings

      smoove                       a person wearing a suit, the texture of a surface or a mix

      somfink                                                                                            anything                                                                     

      steama                       an extremely large jobby, a Ban Marie, a pan with water

      stoa                                                                         to keep safe, use at a later date

      strippt                                                                                                    laid bare

T

      taan                                                                              a large metropolis, London  

      tablespoon                                                                                            15mls

      takin’                                            to liberate, steal, obtain, denigrate (as in piss)

      teespoon                                                                                                 5mls

      togevva                                                                                              combined

      Torygraaph                     a broad sheet newspaper usually read by posh people

      tossa                                                             tosser, a fool, waster, not very bright

      treetid                                              when a surface has had a protective coating

      treecul              another term for a girlfriend, daughter, black sticky substance

      tuff                                                                when meat is usually of poor quality

U

     uncoof                                rough around the edges, impolite, without principles     

     unsawlted                                                                            does not contain salt                    

     usis                                                                                                 to apply

     uvva                                                                                      an alternative, other 

     uvvaone                                                         to choose something else, other one

V

    van                                                                                                      than

    ven                                                                                              now and then

    vinniga                                        a multi-use substance but normally for pickling

W

    wautta                                                                  a clear liquid coming out of a tap 

    wanka                                                                                         a fool, waster 

    wevva                     the climatic conditions of a country, or ‘it could be possible’

    winta, spring, summa, autum                                              the seasons of the year

    wittle                                                       of small stature, usually an angry person

    wiv                                                                             also, with, an accompaniment

    wivany                                                                                       combined with

    wivawt                                                                                       to possess very little

    woodin                                             a slow person, material extracted from a tree

    worf                                                 to express the value of someone or something

    wot                                    often refers to an object, but can also mean excuse me

X

Y

     yella                                                                          one of the three prime colours      

     yoa                                                                                                 you or your

Z    

The best fish pie

 

Fisherman’s Pie

Ingredienz.

Imperial (English)                                               Metric (foreign)

Two smoall onions, choppt                                   2x25grms onions

Two tablespoonz of oil                                          2x15ml spoons of oil

Foa ounzes of carrot cut fin                                   100grms of finely cut carrot

Two tablespoonz of flowa                                     2x15ml spoons of flour

Free quawtas of a pint of infused milk                  350ml of infused milk

Foa ounzes of Cod loin                                          100grms of cod loin

Free ounzes of Hake                                              75grms of hake

Foa ounzes of smoked ‘addock                              100grms of smoked haddock

Ten mussels, fifteen praawns                                 10 mussels, 15 prawns

Fifteen strips of light cured ‘am, cut fin                15 strips finely cut lightly cured ham  

Foateen ounzes of mashed spud                             400grms of buttered mashed potato                                             

Foa the fish stock

Two sticks of celri, choppt                                      2 sticks of celery

One ruff choppt fennel bulb                                    one fennel bulb, coarsely cut

‘arf a ‘ead of garlic                                                  half of one head of garlic

Two dried chillis                                                     2 dried chillies

Two tablespoonz of oil                                           2x15ml spoons of oil

One glaas of Montagny Premier Cru                      1x25ml of dry white wine

Six pintz of wautta                                                   2.5 litres of water

The juice an’ zest of a lemon                                   juice and zest of one lemon

Free bay leeves                                                        3 bay leaves

Six sprigs of flat parsley                                          6 sprigs of flat leaved parsley

One teaspoon of thyme                                            1x15ml of thyme

Assortid bones an’ eads of fish from the monger     500grms selection of fish bones                        

‘Ow to make the Sawse

The most important fing abawt this dish is that you ‘ave gotta get all your ingredienz from Billingsgate becawse it is fresh. I gotta a mate daan there an ‘ee gets mi the freshist bits of fish goin’. Anuvva important fing is that you takes care wen you makes the sawse. In a large fryin’ pan you sweats off two choppt smoall onions in abawt two tablespoonz of olive oil. At dis point you could add foa ounzes of carrot, cut fin. Sprinkul two tablespoonz of flowa into the mix to make a roo. You shoulda prepared yoa milk earlier by simmerin’ free quawtas of a pint wiv an onion, clove, a bay leaf, fresh from the gardin, an’ a piece of carrot. Add yoa infused milk wiv a glaas of ‘ome made fish stock slowly to the pan, to make the sawse, stirring awl the time so you don’t get no lumps.

Fish stock.

The basic ingredienz foa the stock are fish bones. ‘Eavier, densa fish such ‘as, turbot, sole an’ monkfish can produce a glutinous, full flavoured stock whilst lighter bone fish like, cod, mullet, John Dory an’ plaice tend to be lighter an’ normally gives you a clear, refreshin’ stock . But, don’t use oily fish bones becawse they make a stock that tastes like cat piss. If the fish monger offers you the ‘eads don’t forget to wash them an’ discard the gills an’ the eyes, unless you wants them to see into next week. Ha, ha that’s a joke.

Sweat two choppt sticks of celry, arf a ruff choppt fennel bulb, arf a ‘ead of garlic ‘an two dried chillis in a laarge pan wiv two tablespoonz of oil. Wash an’ chop the bones an’ add to vege; sweat foa anuvva foa minits. Bung in a glaas of wine, preferably Montagny Primier Cru, six pintz of wautta, the juice an’ zest from a lemon, free bay leeves, six sprigs of flat parsley an’ a teaspoon of thyme. Simma foa twenty minits skimmin’ off any scum. Stop an’ strain whilst the stock is still clear. Reduce the liquor by arf an’ stoa in manageable sizes.

Usin’ only fresh fish: foa ounzes of cod loin, free ounzes of hake, foa ounzes of smoked ‘addock an’ some uvva bits, perhaps some mussels, praawns an’, if your really clevva, some fin strips of light cured ‘am, arrange in a large dish. Add your sawse an’ carefully fawk foateen ounzes of mash spud on the top. Bake in an oven at 180 foa 15 minits until nice an’ braan. It’s the dogs. 

Pasta

 

Pasta Con I Fagiolo

This is the Italian version of poawk an’ bean soop but becawse they love pasta they bung in vermicelli oa noodles dependin’ on what they feel like.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Eight ounzes of dried white beanz                 250grms of white beans, dried or fresh

Eight ounzes of poawk belly                          250grms of pork belly

One onion, choppt                                          1 onion finely chopped

One carrot, choppt                                          1 carrot finely chopped

One celri stick, choppt                                    1 stick of celery finely chopped

One garlic clove, crushed                                1 clove of garlic, crushed

Free parsley sprigs, choppt                             3 parsley sprigs chopped finely

One sprig of sage, choppt                               1 sprig of sage finely chopped

One bay leaf                                                    1 bay leaf

Sawlt an’ graand black peppa                         salt and freshly milled black pepper

Six ounzes of vermicelli oa noodles               175grms of vermicelli or noodles

Soak the beanz overnight, drain and rinse and place in a laarge sawsepan wiv the poawk, carrot, onion, celri, garlic, parsley, sage an’ bay leaf wiv enuff wautta to covva the lot. Bring to the boil an’ then reduce the ‘eat, covva the pan an’ simma foa too ‘ours, oa until the beanz are soft.

Spoon out a cupful of beanz an’ puree froo a sieve. Add the mixture back to the soop an’ bring back to the boil. Frow in the pasta oa noodles an’ cook until they are just tenda an’ firm to the bite, oa ‘al dente’ as we say in Italy.

Remove the poawk from the soop cut off the rind an’ cut the rest into bitesize chunks. Just befoa servin’ drizzle in the virgin olive oil an’ add the poawk. Give it one laast, generous grindin’ of peppa an’ transfer to individual bowls.

This meal is just great wiv a bokkle of Olio di Poggiopiano an’ huge cobs of mi ‘omemade rustic bread.

Apple pie

 

Pommes Bristol

This is a dessert made from relatively simpul ingredienz . Choose a firm-textured appul, just like mi bird’s bristols, on account of ‘em being entirely made from silicone, such as Cox’s orange pippin. If you can’t get ‘old of Cox’s becawse the bloody European Union ‘as banned it oa somefink, then use a blush oa some red French appuls.

Ingredienz

Imperial                                                         Metric

Foa ounzes of shugga                                     100grms of sugar

Arf a pint of wautta                                         300ml of water

One teespoon of vanilla essence                     1x15ml of vanilla essence

Foa laarge eatin’ appuls                                   4 large eating apples

Free oranges                                                     3 oranges

Foa the caramel

Free ounzes of shugga                                     75grms of sugar

Free fluid ounzes of wautta                             75ml of water

Put the wautta an’ shugga in a sawsepan wiv the vanilla essence an’ let the shugga dissolve ovva a gentul ‘eat. When dissolved increase the ‘eat slightly an’ simma until a fairly fick syrup ‘as formed.

Peel an’ de-core the appuls, slice ‘em an’ add to the pan to simma’ foa ten minits. Take care not to break ‘em, lift the pan from the ‘eat. Place the lid on top an’ allow to go cold. The slices should be transparent an’ quite tenda.

Meanwhile remove the outta rind from one of the oranges an’ cut into strips the size of matchsticks. Place in a smoall pan of wautta, bring to the boil an’ simma foa five minits. Drain, rinse under cold wautta to refresh the strips an’ set at one side. Remove the skin an’ pith an’ any pips from the oranges, an’ slice into rounds. Arrange the appuls in a flat dish placin’ the oranges on the top.

To prepare the caramel, put the shugga an’ wautta in a sawsepan an’ let the shugga dissolve slowly ovva a gentul ‘eat. When dissolved, increase the ‘eat so that a syrup forms turning into a rich braan caramel. Poa into a greased , flat bakin’ tin an’ leave until set. Crush an’ sprinkul ovva the oranges an’ appuls addin’ the orange strips aswell. Place in the fridge foa at least fee ‘ours befoa yoa guests arrive. Serve wiv whipped creem oa crème anglais.