Rib tickler

Pee an’ ‘am soop

 

Ingredienz

Imperial (English)                                               Metric (foreign)  

One pack of dried pees                                         one pack of dried peas

One choppt carrot an’ one onion                          one chopped carrot and one onion

Two tablespoonz of sun flowa oil                        2x15ml sunflower oil

Grownd black peppa                                             milled black pepper

Two pintz of ‘omemade pig stock                        1200ml of homemade ham stock

One diced potata                                                   on diced potato

Two ‘andfulls of boilt ‘am, norvern shank           400grms of boiled ham shank

This is one occasion when you can use dried stuff becawse its proppa. In uvva words, dried pees which ‘ave been soaked ovanight. Anuvva vitul ingredient is yoa stock, which I shall explain ‘ow to make, below.

‘Am stock

If you’ve gotta a mate, like mi, who rears ‘is own pigs yoa laaffin’. ‘Jonnty the Pig’ ‘as got the best Glostta Spotz in norf Landan. Everi time ‘ee slawters one ‘ee sends mi a leg which I makes awlsortz outta, especially lovely stock. Once the leg ‘as been soaked an’ boiled I places the wautta in anuvva pan wiv, one onion, roughly choppt carrot, celry stick, bay leef an’ a bag of mixed ‘erbs; its proppa name is a bouquet garni, but you won’t know that becawse you’re a fick cant. All of this is boiled an’ reduced by arf. Frow away the vege bits an’ stoa yoa stock. Unfortunately, the best ‘am foa the soop is found on the shank of the pig, but we can’t get ‘am oa bacon shanks in Landan, so the onli way is to come norf an’ visit a ‘erbert butcher. Buy enuff that you can freeze so you don’t ‘ave to come norf too often. Mi mates who follas the ‘Spurs’ come norf when they are playin’ Wigan Affletic oa Liverpool so I tells them to stock up. They might as well go back wiv somefin’, becawse they’ll get battered at the football, unless they is palyin’ Man ‘U’, Man City oa Everton.

In a laarge pan sweat off a choppt onion, carrot an’ the soaked pees in two tablespoonz of sun flowa oil an’ grownd black peppa. Keep stirrin’ until the oil covers all the ingredientz. Add two pintz of ‘omemade stock an’ simma foa firty minits. Bung in one large diced potata foa a furvva 15 minits. Finally, drop in two ‘andfuls of torn ‘am from the shank an’ a ‘elfi portion of choppt fresh parsley. Sawlt to taste. But,

if, like mi, you’ve made enuff to laast a few days an’ becawse it becomes so fick by the fird day, there are awlsortz of applications foa the soop.

·Put a dollop in the bottom of a bowl an’ drop in an ‘ot Edwardses meat pie. Liberally sprinkul wiv vinegar an’ black peppa. Burst the pie an’ let awl the juices come awt. Fawk in some sliced picked onions an’ off you goes. Unbeetable.

·Buy a laarge barm cake: that’s a big soft bun abawt 6 inches across that norveners enjoy, an’ cut it in arf. Butta boaf sides wiv the pee soop an’ sandwich an’ ‘ollands meet an’ potata pie in between the 2 bits. Fackin’ beltin’.

·Usin’ left ova chips from the night befoa, that’s particularly ‘ard an’ crisp, dilute some of yoa soop an’ drop ‘em in. Apply plenty of vinegar an’ sawlt an’ then make up some butties wiv fick bread. Onli the best.

·When its really fick I uses it on the job to plaster up some cracks, its betta than polyfilla. Just remove an’ eat the ‘am.