Michael Caine

I 'ave just arrived back from fraance 'avin' done extensiv reseach regardin' legumes an' such; so I fawt it best just to share some of mi favrit fings wiv you. Tomorra I'll post annuva recipe: don't worri it will be yet annuva tasti treet.

The Best Chef. Michael ‘as got to be the best amateur an’ Deadria the ‘pro’, becawse she can take it up the arse. Criticism that is.

The best wine. Gevry Chambertain at 48 paand a bokkle from Costco. It’s just the best foa getting’ the legs open.

Hero. My mate Michael. He’s been ‘tops’ foa fifty years; especially as that Alfie bloke shaggin’ everifin wiv a pulse, larkin’ abawt wiv Sean in the Punjab, killin’ an’ shaggin’ them Ruscky spies whilst still wearin’ ‘is glaases, frowin’ Alf Roberts offava multi-storey car park, wrestlin’ a Great White in Jaws free, teaching Julie fackin’ Walters ‘ow to reed an’ right an’ shaggin’ ‘er at the same time,    

Villain. Bloody ‘ell, I’ve known loads in my time particularly being brought up listening to bloody Bow Bells evri fackin’ mornin’. The most evil git was ‘Barry The Hat McVitie’ who used to fight foa fun. But when I say fight it was usually to the deaf. He had a habit of concealin’ 15 inch bowie knife in the sleeve of ‘is jacket which ‘ee would rely upon to get ‘im out of tricky situations. He was the geeza who invented the Eastend smile. At least these ‘boys’ were pretty open about their actions unlike yoa average fackin’ polititian. Yeh, if I had to make a choice I would have to say it would be any modern day MP. We actually pay them to rob an’ screw us blind; now that’s sweet!