Canal Hopping Hotpot

 

Eddie spends a great deal of time followin' the Canal routes of Fraance. Today we find him on the Canal du Midi visitin' a friend who has a berth in the marina at Beaucaire, locatid in the Du Gard region of southern Fraance.His mate left England 10 years ago wiv his wife who died suddenly leavin' him on his own wiv very little money an' no will to live. There is a local 'Brit' population but they are mainly 'arseholes' who have bailed out becawse the wine is cheaper daan here an' they can stay permanently pissed foa pennies. Some of them claim to be artists but couldn't paint a khasi wall, ovvas are writers who can't string too words togevva an' worst of awl, some profess to be builders who couldn't be trustid to build a decent 'shit' in the bog.
Anyway, Eddie enjoys the canals becawse he's got instant access to wawtta to wash an' clean himself an' his rig. it is awlso the basic ingredient of cookin'. Not that he uses canal wawtta: the amount of crap that is just frown ovwerboard you would not believe, as well as deisel an' the local garbage that peeple jeterson on a regular basis.  After a forage at 'Leader Price' Eddie has the ingredients foa his famous 'hotpot' which he usually makes on Monday so that it laasts him froo the week.
'Meet Hotpot'  
Chop an' gently fry free onions in a pan wiv a little olive oil an' bacon bits. Dice 500 grams of 'shin' beef into centimetre cubes an' seal. Add arf a pint of beef stock an' simma foa 60 minits. Cut five carrots into chunks, foa celery sticks into the same an' anuvva onion then add to the mix. Meanwhile, peel an chop a bag of spuds. Pour in anuuva arf pint of wawtta, not canal, wiv the arf the spuds foa firty minits then add the remainin' spuds. Gently simma until the meet an' spuds is fallin. Serve wiv bread; leave the rest of the 'otpot' foa the neaxt foa days; by Friday it will resemble dog vomit but it will still taste bootiful. Make sure Ramunia has had a good dippin in the wawtta befoa tacklin' it foa the night.

Tarascon Magret

This place, Tarascon, is probably the armpit of Provence. Originally famed for it's King Rene Chateau, the Cathedral of St. Martha, the Portal St. Jean, the magnificent 18th century  ornate Theatre and it's fortified walls; it has become a sad reflection of it's important past. Unfortunately the striking town houses have fallen into disrepair occupied by 'renters' living off benefits. Subsequently the town Hall cannot support the infrastructure so streets are dirty, civic buildings shabby, empty and closed. But, both Eddie and I have some good friends that still persevere to dwell therein. Amongst them are Fabrice and Papou who run the 'Theatre Bistro'. Fabrice is a very inventive chef, I can't remember the number of times that I have robbed his recipees.
One other curiosity that the town is famed for is the legend of the Tarasque, a fearsome river monster; a cross between a lion and a crocodile with a huge 'shelled' back. This creature would periodically emerge from the Rhone to devour local maidens (it's bloody well welcome to um if you ask me; the town must have the ugliest women in the whole of Fraance). It was daan to St. Martha to sooth the beast after which a crowd of yoofs stoned it to deff. Things haven't changed much, the local yoof still have violent moronic tendencies. To celebrate the event the town commissioned a local artist to sculpt a stone effigy of the Tarasque which they placed outside the Chateau to attract tourists.
Eddie decided to mark the event his way by super gluing a giant plaster 'dick and balls' on the top of it's head. This he achieved at midnight when the town was asleep. It took the local Gendarmerie 2 days to chisel it off. Result.
Fabrice's Magret du Canard.
Place the Magret skin daan in a frying pan on a very low heat foa 15 minits. Drain off the fat an' turn to flesh side foa 5 minits. Remove from the pan and slice. Very pink. Serve wiv a green salad. Simple but brilliant.

Vallebregues omelette

Just north of  Tarascon in the Bouches de Rhone region of Provence lies the small village of Vallebregues. This smaall village is actually in 'Du Gard' becawse in 1960 a huge barrage construction was built diverting the mighty Rhone thus cutting off the village. The main purpose of the barrage was to provide hydro-electrical power as well as controlling the flood waters of the lower Camargue estuary. Anyway enuff of the history lesson the reason that I mention this place is becawse Eddie has anuvva favrit site foa campin'. Just beyond the village there is a a natural lake surrounded by a picnic area. Edddie usually pitches his  rig on the fringes of the site to avoid the curious enquiries of the local 'ner do wells'. During the day Ramunia enjoys swimming in the polluted, stagnant puddle whilst Eddie forages in the nearby woods foa mushrooms an' berries. Anuvva interestin aspect occurs around 5.30 every evening when the 'french forestry commision' water carriers swoop down to scoop the river filling their tanks for the following morning surveillance. These are ancient, bright yellow and red aircraft that are continually airborne vigilantly searching throughout the Summer months for bush fires. They rapidly drop from the heavans to within 2 metres above the water lowering a huge hose which sucks up the water, after which they ascend back to the vivid blue sky.
Eddies basket, by early evening, is bulging with fungi from the woods that surround the village; he has also secured a bag of peaches from the numerous orchards that are bountiful in the region. These ingredienz become the staples of the evening meal.


Mushroom Omelette followed by peaches an' custard.
Beat up foa eggs, wiv a little milk, in a cup an' season. Clean, cut an' prepare the fungi. If there is any concern regardin' the provenance of the mushrooms the local pharmacy will identify the wrong uns' so that you don't poison yourself to deff. Poa the egg mix into a heated greased fryin' pan, add the fungi arfta a minit oa two. Flip one arf ova the uvva an' turn. By now Ramunia has washed the peaches, cut them into quarters placin' them into Eddies only two bowls. Reachin' foa the 'Birds Custard' located in one of the storage compartments in the C15 she fondly reminds Eddie that this particular dessert awlways makes her frisky an' that he should prepare himself foa after dinner acrobatics. Eddies stirs the warm milk wiv added vigor befoa addin' the custard powda. Enjoy.

Pont du Gard Chicken

The Pont du Gard is one of these wonderful Roman miracles that has remained intact for centuries.actually the area has an abundance of Roman works from old roads to Coliseums: Arles and Nimes being magnificent in their own right, Glanumn at St.Remy de Provence is also quite breathtaking. Anyway, enuff fanny, Eddie visits the Pont du Gard on a regular basis as it provides washing facilities, namely the river. The water is perishin' but Eddie quite enjoys the freshness as it seems to emphasise his robust, conical 'bellend' that flourishes rather than shrinks given the extreme temperatures. He takes great pride swanking up and daan the crowded banks of the river proudly thrusting out his member.
There are not many pickins' to be found in the now very sanitised 'campus' so it is essential the supplies for tonight have been secured the previous evening. The 'Leader Price' at nearby Chateaurenard has been happy to provide sustenance by the bag load: they are awlways generous, gifting tasty goodies at the close of trading. Tonight it shall be 'chicken'.

Spicy Chicken in Tomato Sawse.


This meal consists of two arfs. Just like the Kaisers arse. 
The night befoa, In a smaall plastic bag, marinade the chicken thighs in a mixture of onion, garlic, one finely cut fresh chilli, lemon juice, thyme, bayleaf, sawlt, peppa, two tablespoonz of tomato puree, coriander, tumerick, sunflower oil, mustard seeds, fenugrek, an' two cardoman pods. Awl of these herbs an' spices can be located in nearby Beaucaire, from the vibrant Arab quawtta.
Use the marinade mixture as the basis of the sawse. In a hot pan reduce the mixture to intensify the flavours; then add sugar, wine vinegar plus moa heat in the way of chilli powder if you prefer, this is optional, whatevva suits. Mix one tin of chopped tomatoes plus one cup of chicken stock an' stir.
In a separate very hot pan seal the thighs until golden, then place them in the sawse. This must be simmered very slowly on a very low heat wiv the lid on the pan, foa at least one hour: it can be moa if you want the meat just to fall off the bone. I must say, and I 'ave discussed this wiv Eddie, that longa is betta becawse the sawse matures along with the chicken that still remains moist. 
There is noffink betta the a clean sweet smellin' Ramunia. Arfta a few dips in the Gard she is sweet as: bootiful.

Castillion du Gard Cassoulet

This one of Eddies favourit places. Just outside the walls of the town there is a smaall chapel that has now been abandoned. The access is via a one vehicle track that opens into an open wood lined space that the church occupies. Unfortunately, becawse of it's remoteness, it can be a meeting place for the yoof of the town; drinkin', smokin blow an' fornicatin'. But Eddie's presence does deter many usin' the site. Ollie adds her two penneth wiv a foaming mouth fashioned in the main by shaving cream, mangy tangled coat and a lame gait: manifestin' herself as a  rabid unsafe, unpredictable beast.
The spot has every facility; local 'portable' water, cultivated fields as well as, most dramatically, the 'Pont du Gard' one of the seven wonders of the Roman world.

Sausage an' Been Stew 
This originates from Carcassonne and usually contains duck legs, but Eddie can't stretch to that so this is his peasant version of the same meal. 
Lightly seal good pork Toulouse sausages, place to one side. Onions, garlic, carrots, celery should then be chopped then gently sweatid in sunflower oil. Ensure that the dried Haricots, Bartolli and Canelloni beens have been well soaked overnight and simmered seperately foa 30 minits befoa addin' them to the mix. Tinned chopped Tomatoes are good enuff foa this dish and can be added along with mustard, a little fresh mountain thyme, a few chilli flakes, two tablespoonz of tomato puree, one cup of Merlot, plus one pint of stock. Brew this lot up foa 45 minits befoa addin' the sausages. Serve wiv crusty bread

Reminders from the paast

 

This is by the way of a retrospective of wot 'as gone on befoa. 
It shall be a selection of previous posts: some you have missed, some you may want to revisit, but awl  must be seen.






Number 1 'Mi Backgraand' posted 13.07.11.
Number 2 'Endawsements' posted 22.07.11.
Number 3 'Cockney Nick's famous recipees' posted23.07.11.
Number 4 'Style an' Groomin' posted 24.07.11.
Number 5 'The Collins Dictionary of Norf an' Saaf' posted 10.08.11. Essential readin'

There are other background pieces amongst the first foa but you shall arf to find 'um yoaselves.
Some recipees 
'Arf Gardin Soop'  posted 23.07.11.
'Soop de Pistou' posted 12.09.11.
'Ravioli di Spinacci' posted 28/08.11.
'Empadinhas' posted 27.08.11.
'D'Agneau avec abricots' posted 29.08.11. 
'Bass wiv vanilla' posted 11.08.11.
'Duck an' Ginja stew' posted 12.11.11.
'The best evva Saanday Dinna' posted 03.09.11.
'Jam Roly Poly' posted 07.08.11.
'Creme Brulee' posted 9.010.11. 
'Italian Breds' posted 26.08.11. 
'Samosas, Parathas, Dal Puri' posted 19.10.11. 


Other very interestin' texts are.......................
'Childhood Ambitions' posted 10.09.11.
'Favrit piece of furniture' posted 11.12.11.
'The many faces of Nick' posted 14.09.11.
'Mi wiv mi Bangkok Lady Boys' posted 30.09.11. 
'The I gotta a mate series' posted from 11.09.11. 
'Emmanuel of Tarascon' 09.09.11. 
'Eddies Rig' posted 04.03.12.
'Champs Elysee' posted 08.03.12.
'Proppa Fulfilment' posted 28.10.11.
'Mi mates Fabrice an' Papou' posted 17.09.11. 


There are many moa posts to re-visit, 90 plus in total, so please explore the wonderful world of 'Cockney Nick's top Ten Recipees from awl ova the World'

Canal de Burgundy

Leaving the delights of the Seine valley via Tonnere it is a gentle run down to the canal de Burgundy at Le Creusot and Montceau les Mines. During last years trip Eddie secreted a bicycle, that had been made up of at least 3 wrecks frown away by local people. I must explain at this stage that Eddie enjoys assembling bicycles, particularly if they have been basket cases. Raiding the decheterries he is awlways able to rescue sufficient parts to construct at least one acceptable machine. Once finished they usually find good homes, traded off for food, wine or sexual favours: he doesn't  mind either way. This present bike had been hidden down a well for the past 12 months; the reason being that he was on his way back to the northern coast and didn't really have any space in his rig. This would now be Ramunia's steed for the rest of her trip.
The canal at this point weaves gently froo the town of Montceau, originally a steel, mining and rail town all that is left is the canal plus the odd iron monuments reflecting it's industrial past. The water does make the town pretty. Spacious green areas now cover industrial wastelands, parks have sprung up where rolling stock sheds stood, rejuvenated suburbs spread where voluminous warehouses blocked out the light.

Tete de Veau. 
This a very local treet. Believe me it tastes like warmed up dog vomit: but each to their own. Every chef has his own special recipee. The basic ingredient is the peeled face from a smaal cow; cheeks, nose, ears an' anyfink else that can be justifyibly used. a combination of vegetables are added to make a sort of glutinous fick soop. 
Start wiv the usual onions, garlic an' seasoning. add some diced vege, carrots, potatoes, celery and later some beens and pees. Stir in the bits form the cows face; once sealed add arf a cup of risotto rice plus one pint of beef stock. Simma foa as long as you want, it won't matter becawse it will still taste like lumpy spew in wallpaper paste.
Of course Eddie doesn't make this; it is difficult to find a cows face at 'Leader Price' as they are awlways the first to be liberated by the locals. Eddie settles foa chips an' egg tonight and a distinct  lack of hole.